Day 423: Gonna need a bigger skin.

The black stool problem of two weeks ago seems to have settled down. But the next chapter in this medical adventure seems to have begun. I’m getting bigger – much bigger.

In the movies when something important is about to happen the background music gets louder. Someone’s going to die, there’s a monster behind that door, she doesn’t love him anymore and the orchestra lets you know. In real life there’s no music.

I’ve been getting winded putting on my socks. It’s been hard hauling firewood around. My sweaters seem to have shrunk. My leather belt has run out of holes. The steering wheel in my car seems to have moved forward and is now rubbing my belly when I turn it. I can’t eat more than a few spoonfuls of anything without feeling stuffed. As they say on Twitter, WTF!

It finally occurred to me over the weekend that maybe I was the problem. I stopped by the doctor’s office this morning on the way to work and told the receptionist I thought I was exploding. She got me in to see a doctor a few minutes later. I got weighed. In ten days I’ve gained twenty-eight pounds. Twenty-eight pounds in ten days! That’s not from a couple of years of over eating. That’s having four tablespoons of soup as my dinner, going to a Mexican restaurant and eating half of Delphine’s side order of rice as my meal, calling a pear lunch.

pufferFluid. It turns out something called ascites is fluid build-up in the abdominal cavity caused by fluid leaks from the surface of the liver. Is this what I have? Nobody knows. But maybe. In any case, I do have fluid build-up. Twenty-eight pounds of fluid build-up in just ten days. Enough fluid build-up to make bending over impossible. I’m turning into a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade balloon. They’re going to have to tie ropes around my wrists and ankles to drag me down Broadway next November.

Spironolactone (where do they get these names???) to the rescue. It’s a diuretic that prevents aldosterone from entering the principal cells. Hopefully it’s also a pill that will let me pee away twenty-eight pounds that’s making it hard to turn my steering wheel.

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1 Response to Day 423: Gonna need a bigger skin.

  1. jtsloma says:

    Macy’s….balloon!! very funny!

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